Girl and Bean

I have not been updating about them for a while.

Girl is having her Term 3 final exams for Year 2 and progressing to Year 3 this Autumn. She won a gold medal for sports carnival at school together with her other Harimau House team mates. She even sang in a trio on Appreciation Day on stage. I find this commendable as it was a super short window to rehearse, perform and overcome her stage fright. I had tears in my eyes as I sang along with her from the front row of audience that 16 May 2017. The song is Better Place by Rachel Platten, you can watch it on YouTube. The lyrics get me every single time. I cannot believe she can now play the piano fluently (bravo me for not allowing her to quit!) and sew neatly (bravo her for having such talent and patience!). Alhamdulillah, she is becoming a better version of herself and inshaAllah grow up to be a good Muslimah.

Bean is turning 4 this month and his love for animated movies, Cars, Ninjago, Minions, storybooks and languages amazes me. The sporty, active and often sweaty boy is my Bean alright. His favourite treats during school run at The Big School include chocolate chip cookies, frozen yoghurt and iced Milo. Boo me for giving in to his sweet tooth. He zaps the TouchNGo card as if the balance will never hit zero. Not one to sit still, or keep quiet - as Drama Queen can probably attest by now. I am planning to enrol him into The Big School just to ease the school run schedule so we shall see if he is ready for pre-Reception this Autumn (or if The Big School will accept him since he does not read, write or count independently yet). He sings, sits down for many stories and chats - so I hope those skills are acceptable. Of course, my prayer for his is that he becomes a good Muslim man someday.

They have both been eating well and still fight like cats and dogs over me. Yes, me! Well, also over particular toy they happen to not want to share - just like 1001 other children do. Girl is somewhat more tolerant and gives in a lot but there are just days when you know she guards her territories like a fort. Bean is strong for his age so I am glad they have not really hurt one another.

The days are long; and the years will seem short.

I just pray I can be that healthy and happy mother to see them through these and more, inshaAllah. They have taught me unconditional love and I love them for who they are.

Intramuscular Lipoma

No, this is not WebMD. This is an account of what happened to The Other Half.

On 3 June 2017, I had 2 moles surgically excised and they were sent to Pantai Hospital for biopsy. Run of the mill, we can safely expect "benign" in the report. Done and dusted, right?

On 4 June 2017, at bedtime, The Other Half informed me he has this lump on his left side back of head that has been causing him not to be able to sleep comfortably on that side. It was covered with hair and was not obvious unless we touched it.

Once the kids were dropped off at school on 5 June 2017, we met at Prince Court. The Other Half was sent to primary care physician at ER first, who then referred him to Radiology Department for an ultrasound.

The results came back as intramuscular lipoma. We saw the sac, with its pulsating blood supply. It was 0.7cm x 2.7 cm. 

The primary care physician then referred The Other Half to a dermatologist.We felt something was amiss and immediately contacted a specialist surgeon friend of mine.

True enough.

A dermatologist would not have been able to resolve the issue.

A flurry of text messages were exchanged as my friends was on a short family vacation. The Other Half went to see his nurse on duty and they both managed to book an operating slot for lipectomy for 9 June 2017, right after a surgery by the same specialist surgeon for another friend of mine from our little Patient Support Group. It was going to be an all day affair and an overnight stay for us.

The kids were sent to The House after school on 8 June 2017, to be looked after by The Grandparents. They both skipped school on 9 June 2017.

The lipectomy went as planned without drama. I was blessed to be able to support both my friend and my husband in the same hospital on the same day. Both postoperative reviews that evening were satisfactory and follow-up before discharge reviews were also good. I was really grateful to my friend for doing such a marvellous job too!

The Other Half recovered well, he stayed alert and was not nauseous after the GA. We particularly enjoyed the Junior Suite as opposed to a single standard ward which I used to book into. The extra space somehow alleviated our stress. We watched CNN and followed the news of UK2017 General Elections in the living room. I had my own little bedroom and ensuite bathroom. Ward 5H nurses were kind and caring at all hours.

Numbness at the top of his head where the lipoma was pressing on an artery is now no longer an issue. He was discharged on 10 June 2017, the kids were sent home to The Flat by The Grandparents just before dinner time and life as we knew it - resumed.

Syukur alhamdulillah. 

Biopsy results will be out later this week. InshaAllah, we are praying for good results.

P/S: Benign, alhamdulillah! Thank you for all your prayers.

Negative

Sometimes, "Negative" is a fabulous word.

Of late, when receiving biopsy reports, I pray to hear this word.

Alhamdulillah I was blessed with "Negative" for BRCA1 and BRCA2 yesterday.

In another part of my body, my thyroid, something else is growing.

We found follicular multinodular goitre and the largest of them is 2.8cm. Ultrasound after 90 days will follow. Blood tests came back normal so not too much to worry about except my occasional fatigue. The TSH, T3 and T4 readings were all normal and the fine needle aspiration cytology report is benign.

Yes, I got second opinion (in fact it was at Gleneagles, completely independent of Prince Court).

In the meantime, let's pray for the best outcome. I am NOT looking forward to total thyroidectomy and being dependent on supplements for the rest of my life. Hopefully, I will never need TT and supplements dependency - AAMIIN.

Reconstruction Via Fat Graft

I did it and I am glad I did.

My pancakes/raisins/potholes conditions have improved. I do not feel depressed looking at myself in the mirror now, unlike in the beginning when it was just really sad to have 2  misshapen and asymmetrical cavities for what once were my breasts.

You can email me at hannah.zulkifli@gmail.com if you are a:
*breast cancer survivor,
*seeking breast augmentation,
*considering explant,
*post explant,
*post mastectomy,
*post lumpectomy,
*post accident,
*post trauma,
*post burns,
patient seeking reconstruction and want to know more. 

Remember this: I am not sponsored by any doctors or pharmaceutical companies, I do this voluntarily. One sister to another.

Biopsy, Brunch and Becoming

Salam Ramadan my lovelies,

Please forgive me for the long silence. I have been "living" at Prince Court Medical Centre of late.

If you only see my Facebook posts and do not personally know me, it sure looks like I have been enjoying jolly good meals and light banter with the Belang Mums before Ramadan. In fact, you can see some of our girly brunch dates at The Drama Queen's blog too. Their love, laughter and sometimes superficial subjects have kept me afloat on more days than not. They are my breath of fresh air outside my hospital walls.

Tomorrow, I get to find out the results of my multi nodular goitre biopsy. Follicular cancer of thyroid risk was mentioned and I felt my knees knock from fear/shock.  I can attest now that the ultrasound guided fine needle aspiration cytology I have had are not that bad. Compared to my moles excision under local anaesthesia? The latter was a walk in the park. Hollywood waxing without numbing cream? Bring it on!

Total thyroidectomy, post-operative concerns and supplements dependency are all new to me. I learn something new daily. It took me consultations with 6 specialists, CT Scans, X-Rays and ultrasounds before I hit a raw nerve of punching one PIN too often on my credit card. Out of  frustration and a moment of vulnerability, I finally buckled and whined to someone close to me whom I trust genuinely cares for me. Like a superhero, some intervention to the system started happening and I was redirected on the treatment path more comfortable to me. Alhamdulillah for superhero characters. They look ordinary but they perform extraordinary gestures of kindness.

In this long and and arduous journey of becoming, I am mostly grateful for supportive family and friends. I still work from home, I still run patient support groups and I still am me. 

Sometimes, I wake up to really encouraging messages sent to me by a compassionate friend or two and they keep me going. They remind me that I am amazing, that I am full of light and that my path is admirable. All the time and trouble they take to compose short essays despite their busy schedules humbles me.

Truly, I am just me. It is up to Him what he does with me.

InshaAllah, tomorrow I will learn something new. Something to be grateful about no matter what it says on my biopsy report. Fine, later in the week I will receive another biopsy report for the 2 moles. I remind myself to look at the 99% chance of those reports being benign and the 1% of them being CA. 

Wish me luck! Thank you for all your prayers and God bless.