Negative

Sometimes, "Negative" is a fabulous word.

Of late, when receiving biopsy reports, I pray to hear this word.

Alhamdulillah I was blessed with "Negative" for BRCA1 and BRCA2 yesterday.

In another part of my body, my thyroid, something else is growing.

We found follicular multinodular goitre and the largest of them is 2.8cm. Ultrasound after 90 days will follow. Blood tests came back normal so not too much to worry about except my occasional fatigue. The TSH, T3 and T4 readings were all normal and the fine needle aspiration cytology report is benign.

Yes, I got second opinion (in fact it was at Gleneagles, completely independent of Prince Court).

In the meantime, let's pray for the best outcome. I am NOT looking forward to total thyroidectomy and being dependent on supplements for the rest of my life. Hopefully, I will never need TT and supplements dependency - AAMIIN.

Reconstruction Via Fat Graft

I did it and I am glad I did.

My pancakes/raisins/potholes conditions have improved. I do not feel depressed looking at myself in the mirror now, unlike in the beginning when it was just really sad to have 2  misshapen and asymmetrical cavities for what once were my breasts.

You can email me at hannah.zulkifli@gmail.com if you are a:
*breast cancer survivor,
*seeking breast augmentation,
*considering explant,
*post explant,
*post mastectomy,
*post lumpectomy,
*post accident,
*post trauma,
*post burns,
patient seeking reconstruction and want to know more. 

Remember this: I am not sponsored by any doctors or pharmaceutical companies, I do this voluntarily. One sister to another.

Biopsy, Brunch and Becoming

Salam Ramadan my lovelies,

Please forgive me for the long silence. I have been "living" at Prince Court Medical Centre of late.

If you only see my Facebook posts and do not personally know me, it sure looks like I have been enjoying jolly good meals and light banter with the Belang Mums before Ramadan. In fact, you can see some of our girly brunch dates at The Drama Queen's blog too. Their love, laughter and sometimes superficial subjects have kept me afloat on more days than not. They are my breath of fresh air outside my hospital walls.

Tomorrow, I get to find out the results of my multi nodular goitre biopsy. Follicular cancer of thyroid risk was mentioned and I felt my knees knock from fear/shock.  I can attest now that the ultrasound guided fine needle aspiration cytology I have had are not that bad. Compared to my moles excision under local anaesthesia? The latter was a walk in the park. Hollywood waxing without numbing cream? Bring it on!

Total thyroidectomy, post-operative concerns and supplements dependency are all new to me. I learn something new daily. It took me consultations with 6 specialists, CT Scans, X-Rays and ultrasounds before I hit a raw nerve of punching one PIN too often on my credit card. Out of  frustration and a moment of vulnerability, I finally buckled and whined to someone close to me whom I trust genuinely cares for me. Like a superhero, some intervention to the system started happening and I was redirected on the treatment path more comfortable to me. Alhamdulillah for superhero characters. They look ordinary but they perform extraordinary gestures of kindness.

In this long and and arduous journey of becoming, I am mostly grateful for supportive family and friends. I still work from home, I still run patient support groups and I still am me. 

Sometimes, I wake up to really encouraging messages sent to me by a compassionate friend or two and they keep me going. They remind me that I am amazing, that I am full of light and that my path is admirable. All the time and trouble they take to compose short essays despite their busy schedules humbles me.

Truly, I am just me. It is up to Him what he does with me.

InshaAllah, tomorrow I will learn something new. Something to be grateful about no matter what it says on my biopsy report. Fine, later in the week I will receive another biopsy report for the 2 moles. I remind myself to look at the 99% chance of those reports being benign and the 1% of them being CA. 

Wish me luck! Thank you for all your prayers and God bless.

Crown

Start of rant.

Following the root canal treatment, I have had a new crown placed on the first day of Ramadhan (yes, it was a bummer but can be replaced!). My temporary crown fell off just under 48 hours upon flossing.

I am hoping my current long term use crown is not going to fall off anytime soon! Poorer by about RM1500 just for a crown. Really careful with chewing hard food at the moment.

Invisalign is going to set me back by about 1-2 handbags' worth depending on which handbag we are referring to. My two front bunny teeth are out of alignment so we shall see where Invisalign lies in the order of priorities.

Moral of the story: Always wear your retainers no matter what. Especially at 41. 

End of rant.

Bartholin Cyst

I have been marsupialised and now recovering at home with light bleeding. Thank you for all the lovely get well wishes and earnest prayers.

Izumio and Super Lutein helped me so much leading up to the surgery. My energy level was fairly good considering the amount of work I had to put in at home before admission.

Izumio was the only drink I took before and right after the general anaesthesia. No vomit, little dizziness, alert and good appetite. The blood clotting progress was good, and the best part was that I only took 2 Arcoxia painkillers during my hospital stay. I did chew 2-3 Super Lutein capsules every 2-3 hours. 

Honestly, I did not need any painkillers once I was discharged; but have to complete the course of antibiotics.

The view was amazing. The food and beverage service remained satisfactory. My ob gyn and her team of caregivers were wonderful, skillful and cheerful. I went in slightly depressed and came home "light and lifted". Did they also remove my dark clouds for me? Syukur alhamdulillah!

Mini Weekend Break

We broke convention by skipping Yamaha JMC class last Saturday. 

The haze in KL was back so we were prepared for possibilities of irritated eyes, itchy skin and fever. Syukur alhamdulillah Izumio and Super Lutein kept us all in good shape. 

Our weekend started during home time on Friday, got Girl changed into comfortable traveling clothes at school area and we gladly drove out of the haze blanket to Lost World Tambun in Ipoh, Perak. The air quality was not perfect but it was better than KL.

We wanted the pit stop to be an overnight stay for Girl to finish her homework, and not make Bean suffer too long watching movies on iPad during the long journey.

And she did complete her homework. Syukur alhamdulillah.

Our family suite was roomy, echo-ey, and came with Ipoh White Coffee 3-in-1 sachets! There was no room service, and the kids were devastated because they love the food cart (don't look at me judgingly, haha!). Next time when they are bigger, we may consider taking them to the waterpark. This is highly unlikely because we try to be in for the night by Maghrib...but never say never, right? Our dinner at PapaRich tasted like microwaved instant food which we resolve to avoid in future. Food snobs need clean food, for our own good!

On Saturday, we left soon after breakfast for Penang. We had a quick farewell lunch with a former school mate of mine (she is migrating Down Under) at Juru AutoCity, then off to our little slice of weekend paradise at Golden Sands, Penang.

The Cool Lounge check-in provided top notch service and we were really pleased with the welcome drink and balloons. As soon as we were assigned a room, we changed the kids into their swim suits.

Bean kept asserting (loudly) that he can swim like a fish and honestly sounded so cute only to me. I am sure the rest of world did not agree with me because he actually stomped like a dinosaur in the wading pool. 

Whenever he seconded a brilliant suggestion from Girl, he excitedly said, "That's a great idea!"

Like a pair of squirrels, they happily went hunting and gathering for these "baby coconuts". 

By 5pm, one of my girlfriends and her family arrived for a swim playdate and buffet dinner at Spice Market. Our friendship since 1983 now extends to our respective husbands and children, priceless indeed. So blessed we are to still have this bond.

By 7:37 pm, Girl announced she was going to leave to watch the sunset and stars come out to play. We eventually left at 8pm after her endless pestering. 

How do I recall such specific time? 

It was her Smiggle watch that told her the time every time she pressed it.

Gosh, she was adamant to count stars. SubhanAllah, the long walk from Spice Market back to Golden Sands was decorated with twinkling stars in the vast skies. Magical moment to treasure with Girl. 

Meanwhile, Bean had taken the buggy ride back with The Other Half, which is another adventure they loved. With The Other Half still in his post-hernia surgery recovery, the buggy ride was a great idea! You can guess who had announced it loudly, right?

Sunday breakfast was crowded, we left soon after shower and packing up. Our lunch stopover at Ipoh Parade took too long so our next goal is to train the kids to eat from clean stalls at R&R.

It was a good mini break. For every little thing that went wrong, we were blessed with so many more treasures that felt right. Syukur alhamdulillah.

Girl Turns 7

It is hard to believe this little dumpling used to nurse 24/7 and now by the grace of Allah swt she is turning 7. She has her own personality, preferences, talents and such. May you grow up to be a wise, healthy girl and always guided by His Blessings and Love. Amin.

In honour of her kind understanding and good behaviour for allowing me to be admitted to PCMC on the night of her birthday after the afternoon tea party at home, I would like to pray of her heart to blessed with even more light and love. Amin.