End of AY2020/21 and Summer Break 2021

 Salam my lovelies,

Pardon for the long silence as we trudged on the final term of pandemic-online-schooling. Syukur alhamdulillah Girl and Bean both did exceptionally well in their GL Assessments. Girl graduated in our living and dining room. Bean scored an award for Most Improved Student of his class. The Awards Ceremonies were surprisingly interesting! We applied for access to be granted to The Grandparents so they joined us online to watch both ceremonies. Both of the children's homeroom teachers will be returning to England, alas. They will both be sorely missed.

Girl and Bean somewhat enjoyed their online Sports Day as the novelty had worn off. We will suggest that the programme be updated next year as repeating the same routines and challenges from AY2019/20 annually were not exciting nor engaging for the most part. Morion, their sports house, did not win this year but put up a good fight. Sportsmanship can be tough under pandemic-fatigue as we witnessed first hand.

International Week came and went without much pomp and gala as the overall spirit was dampened by high daily new cases and long-drawn lockdown. Girl's class was assigned Thailand, and Bean's year group was again assigned China (same as when they were in Year 1). Girl's Thai costume arrived after International Week Dress Up Day, and Bean donned his Lunar New Year red costume. There was not much decoration of study space, except reusing all our Lunar New Year deco items for Bean's China-theme. I must remind myself to order Bean's new costumes as he is outgrowing them soon.

We cooked some masa harina pancakes (the recipe is a keeper) and ordered Thai food during International Week. Bean missed his xiao long bao and la mien so much he kept reminiscing his meal at Din Tai Fung KLCC when we could last venture out.

Summer break is finally here and we are spending every single day indoors, same as most Klang Valley dwellers. Our 9.2 acre park is still shut but we enjoy the greeneries and fresh air. This is our first holiday-less indoor long break. We ordered a whole series of The Land of Stories by Chris Colfer and a few more titles for Girl, including a new release from David Edward Williams (David Walliams). Bean is working on his Horrible Histories series, still. His stamina for reading is nowhere near that of Girl's, not that I am comparing.

Personally, I am working on re-motivating myself. I have a lot to be grateful for and reaffirm myself of this fact daily. Although The Other Half and I have been fully-vaccinated, we are not taking our chances and are very aware of the fact that both children have yet to reach their respective vaccination threshold age. We are certainly taking all precautions and coping the best we can with what we have.

On the fluffier side of life, our balcony plants are thriving and they bring much joy. Both children are painting, colouring, crafting and playing online games. They usually transition into movement breaks without cue. Dances and balloon-volley indoors are so fun with them! We must include more of our stationary bike and rower considering we have been eating well could use some extra exercise.

We hope to spend the rest of this summer break in good health and happiness. All school fees have been paid and their books for Y7 and Y4 are arriving from the warehouse. Hopefully, Girl's new secondary uniform will be available as soon as the bookstore is allowed to open (on-site at School and it is not currently permitted under Phase 1). I am still in awe she is going to Y7 and knowing me, I may get all emotional come September.

Ending this post with much love and peace to everyone. Stay safe and healthy. May happiness and joy come your way daily. 

Working From Home: Focus Mode

Salam my lovelies,

Now that The Kids are settling into school routine again, I find myself really grateful to be able to work from home, encore. My day starts at 5:45 a.m. on weekdays as I prepare bento meals of breakfast and lunch for Girl including after-school snacks on her CCA days. Bean gets meals from The Big School (and sometimes gets to prepare, cook or serve as well!), so I usually just have to include his afternoon tea snacks while he waits for Girl on her CCA days. 

Working from home requires discipline. This serves more as a reminder to myself than to others.

The Kids usually leave by 7:15 a.m. with The Other Half. Once they leave, I devote x number of hours to start and complete a particular task. Once that task is completed, I move on to settle other items on that task list or attend work appointments before finally attempting house chores. Luckily for me, bulk of my work is during month-end and first week of the month, which leaves me with 2-3 weeks of being able to follow The Kids during school runs. 

You'd be amazed how much faster "work" gets done with focus compared to multitasking. Well, at least for me, Alhamdulillah. Yesterday, I got some vital work and an online questionnaire for Bean's clinical psychologist filled out just in time for school pick-up. That was a huge burden off my chest. 

Until my next post, have a happy week ahead!

**off to tackle another questionnaire from The Big School for Bean**

The Learning Curve

Last week had been full of learning opportunities for me, personally and professionally.

On Monday, I attended a course on tax planning for individuals and corporate. It was organised by SSM, available as an elective course towards my CPE. Although I am not a taxation expert after 8 hours, I am not completely blank when "tax planning" is being discussed. The speaker, Mr Vincent Josef was a former Assistant Director-General at LHDN/IRB. He delivered the materials with much credibility from his professional expertise and experience. 

Have you been upping your game lately, my lovelies? Please do share how you keep yourself relevant and current in your choice of undertaking. 

Work From Home: Support Network

Salam, my lovelies.

Seven years ago, I made the decision to quit the rat race to raise a young family. It is the craziest/bravest/stupidest decision I have ever made in my life (I must confess it is actually the best and appropriate decision given my circumstances).

We have no live-in helper. No driver.

When I was pregnant with Bean, I had Kak Saras come over on weekends to help clean The Flat. She did that for a few months until after my confinement. She used to help me out when Girl was first born too. Alas, she is too old to take on cleaning jobs now, and we have yet to find someone as trustworthy and detailed as she is. If you know of a live-out cleaning lady/housekeeper, please drop me a message. Thank you.

Recently, we also contacted a live-out helper to come in for a few hours twice weekly to help with ironing. She is a real blessing and I kick myself for not engaging her sooner! Together, she and I, we fight LaundryMonster. So far so good, Alhamdulillah.

Finally, we have a professional babysitter to watch Bean for a couple of hours when I take Girl out to her piano lessons. Ms R is someone we are familiar with as she was a former teacher at The Playschool. Bean adores her, to my huge relief! They read, watch Disney DVDs, share snacks and play when I am away.

Whilst we can and want to do everything ourselves, sometimes, we just need an extra pair of hands. With a spouse recovering from surgery, and my having 3 work-from-home jobs (other than being a full-time mum and wife), I feel this is a wise move and better employment of time/skills/energy.

If you have more coping tips, please do share!

National Service versus Love

Remember my bursting passion to serve my national oil company?

It is back on, almost like a never-ending relationship. Blows hot and cold. Back at square one. Even if the offer is to start from the beginning, like a career comeback. If given a second chance, the next 25 years still seem like golden opportunity to contribute and grow together.

My pulse never left the industry, my network is still growing and news of people movement keeps finding its way to me despite the 6 years gap. Against the odds following the side step manoeuvre to start and grow a family. 

Signs? Only He knows. 

On the flip side, I really enjoy working from home and readily present for my family 100%. Once my gratitude sets in, fear (of lacking) is removed. Such is faith, simply.

In my 6 years of not being in typical full time employment, I have experienced freedom from corporate life, freedom from office politics, freedom to travel and so much more. Life is good, syukur alhamdulillah for His Blessings. He Crafts The Perfect Plan. 

Keeping the faith. May Allah swt remove the obstacles, constantly send me clear answers and shower His blessings upon this area of my life. Amin.

Starstruck

Today, I finally gathered my guts and introduced myself to one of the most admired (former) Judges of High Court of Malaya after pondering it over last night (yes to Salam, no to selfie strategy / please laugh at me for being slightly naive and over-thinking things). 

We were in a continued legal professional course along with a group of other practitioners from diverse Corporate Malaysia. Fun people, with creative ideas (myself included, teehee).

Oh, I am so glad I did because what followed was a friendly banter on whistle-blowing, corporate governance, growth of faith in Allah swt, life in general and etc. so many wise words from a person whose life is being well-devoted to Him. Ever so humble, in spite of being ever so experienced and globally respected for his stance on transparency, judiciary independence and good governance.

 

"Right is right even when you are the only one doing it."

Alhamdulillah for such this blessed encounter with an "old school" person with strong principles and values. Rare gem. May Allah swt bless (ex) Yang Arif forevermore.

Ahjumma Updates

Last week, Bean was down with viral fever. I was challenged with broken sleep over and above the usual, punishing school run with The Little Girl. Inevitably, there were moments when I, regrettably, was too exhausted to prepare and cook dinner. 

Not proud of being the shouty mum I was, I found myself explaining to The Little Girl of how I consumed I was by perimenopausal hormones. I told her I was not proud of the the relay breakdown and how my love ought to be shown openly to her. I even showed her the list of how much there is for me to complete on daily basis, like a race against time checklist. 

She kissed me, and told me it is going to be alright. It still puzzles me that she has empathy for me but occasionally bullies Bean. Hmmmh. I should be glad she understood one thing - Mummy is tired.

By midweek, I was too spent to prepare breakfast for myself and The Other Half after a congested morning crawl home, so I requested for The Other Half to bring home some breakfast from Pelita Jalan Ampang. 

Bad, bad move.

That breakfast landed me at Prince Court Medical Centre ER. We know the breakfast was the culprit because I was the only one who ate it and came down with severe food poisoning. Luckily, The Other Half ate less and only suffered a mild case of food poisoning. 

One injection, some medication and a few hundred poorer later, my routine resumed, alhamdulillah. 

Fortunately, The Grandparents were able to babysit their two grandchildren while I was at ER with The Other Half. It would have been a nightmare to bring the young ones along to a place full of patients late at night!

By the time Friday arrived, I was truly eager to embrace the weekend. Rest, recuperate and regroup strategy. Exclusively. No dates, no parties, no to everything social. Just a few episodes of Queen's Flower and Sensory Couple to keep myself entertained while resting (watched online after the kids have gone to bed, they are too young for those 15+).

Side note on Queen's Flower: if you watch it on Good Drama, the subtitles from Episode 5 onwards is horrendous. I stopped after 2 minutes. I suspect the correct replacement subtitles were recently uploaded because it seems fine now.

Side note on Sensory Couple: I love this series despite the romance story line being predictable. The draw factor, for me, is the criminal mysteries. 

Our Saturday started late as we crashed and slept in after such a crazy week. Truth is, Bean was still recovering from  viral fever and he was trying to correct his sleeping habit which had gone askew. It was good to see everyone's bright and chirpy faces again after some much needed sleep. 

The Saturday afternoon spent at music class with The Little Girl. Certainly is our weekly mother-daughter highlight. JMC Primary 2 is challenging but fun! I am crossing my fingers that she will not find chords too complicated. With practice, I am sure she can and will perfect them. Happily, she completed her theory worksheet with some guidance. Matching the notes on G and F clefs, fancy that.

Our Sunday was spent at The House with The Grandparents. Instead of risking our lives on the road with lightning, deafening thunderclap and flash floods, we waited out the storm and got home after eating some home-cooked dinner. 

It was a very satisfying day work-wise at The House (where we keep another home office) as we finally closed the recent field audit matters (and benefit from tax credits!). Alhamdulillah, not every field audit is punitively malicious. Good things came out of ours. 

Now I can focus on year-end matters (our financial year ends on 30 June) and attend some continued professional training courses *sigh of relief* and maybe even start to house-hunt again after a long hiatus. 

Truly thankful for this weekend. I can tell The Other Half felt good after spending some quality time with his parents too, feels like his parental love and attention index climbed higher, boosting his confidence after a particularly tough week. The mix of weakening ringgit and tougher investment environment stress hopefully will not consume his spirit!

How was your weekend, my lovelies? I'd love to read!

GST In Malaysia

Someone nudged me to say that I have been really quiet in this blog of late.

Here is what I have been up to (other than settling Bean at Playschool or paying zakat and personal income tax or washing the curtains at The Flat):

The Government has not directly educated me as an end consumer much as to the looming GST. 

When I exit the cashier at supermarkets, I do not see where I can pick up leaflets to summarise my taxable, exempted or zero-rated sundry. 

When I went for a hair trim at KLCC, the transaction was not even recorded! It was a cash transaction sans receipt! Never mind about asking for a GST info pamphlet there. PETRONAS is much better because the receipt is already GST format-compliant, bravo!

Consequently, I got anxious. Then I got proactive.

Over the last one week, I took matters into my own device quite literally to go online on the Royal Malaysian Customs Department site and check the categories of goods and services that will hit me directly first come 1 April 2015. It is structured, concise and quite informative if you have the time to "study".

*bleary eye momster mode on*

Thanks to that, I can now plan my purchases and avoid panick stock-pile. Simply because I know which items can wait (zero-rated), which "luxury" big ticket item currently not taxed will cost 6% more, and hope to see services that are currently charged 10% service charge add 5% government tax be reduced to merely an all encompassing GST of 6% (although disappointingly, most will continue with the 10% service charge add 6% GST). Those items on the exempted list, I hope will grow to a longer list and stay exempted for much longer.

*back to mengaji Customs*

Toodles, my lovelies!

Zakat & Income Tax

Syukur alhamdulillah, time of the year to fulfil my dues in this world to the government of the day and more importantly my dues to the Lord of the Worlds has arrived once again.

Syukur alhamdulillah, both can be done online in the comforts of my own home without having to brave any jams, look for parking or climb any stairs (style of income tax season from yesteryear when I first paid income tax!).

Just be sure to read my niat for zakat and say Amin! Just be sure to keep my receipts for 7 years and submit my digital signature for personal income tax. 

If you haven't done so yourself, please do. Set aside 20 minutes without any interruption. It took me less than that to settle mine (including time to retrieve a link for forgotten password). 

Well, if you work for a large organisation and are still waiting to produce the EA form to be transmitted to your staff, then, may I politely suggest that you get it done so that you too, can close this chapter and move on to more interesting matters like the impending GST.

All the best!

Gratitude: He Knows Best

Surah At-Takathur, Ayat 1 of The Holy Quran States that," The mutual rivalry for piling up of worldy things diverts you."

My file at my beloved NatOilCo has been closed after 60 months. It feels like closure in a comfortable sense. Syukur alhamdulillah. 

An attractive offer for partnership at a new law firm has been duly considered and declined. Thank you for the generous offer, my soul sister. It is perhaps not my rezeki just yet, as I truly practice 100% commitment when it comes to legal practice. Syukur alhamdulillah. 

A few family-related investment decisions that adversely affected me indirectly has reached a stage of my redha as to His Blessings. Once the thorns of envy and greed were removed through His assuring words in the Al-Quran, love and light followed. May better blessings come our way, Amin! 

He Knows Best, indeed. He Listens and He Answers. Sure, there were challenges and tests along the way but ultimately He has placed me in His perfect spot to serve His Purpose. Having the confidence to solely rely on Him is my lesson to learn. It took me a few painful tumbles at first but I am beginning to fully appreciate the reasons behind His Will, and He had sent me appreciation of the above quoted Surah to constantly remind myself. 

Surah At-Takathur, Ayat 5 of The Holy  Quran further states that, "Nay! If you knew with a sure knowledge (the end result of piling up, you would not have occupied yourselves in worldy things)."

I can now focus on my current portfolio and do my best without much distractions. I am happy with what is my plate, neither craving for more nor rejecting any excess on my plate. Continued professional education courses calendar for the year has been finalised too, and I am starting to reserve suitable subjects to explore for this year. Syukur alhamdulillah for personal and professional growth.

As usual, I am truly grateful for being able to work from home and have the flexibility to care for my family (young, not so young and young-at-heart all inclusive). Syukur alhamdulillah.

The highlight worth noting is the recent uplifting of depressing fog that hovered over me. It was a painful purge but the outcome is so worthy of the temporal inconvenience. Syukur alhamdulillah.

I did promise myself to be more positive this year and those baby steps are coming along. I am truly grateful for His Hidayah without which this peace in my heart would have been impossible. Syukur alhamdulillah.

Here is wishing you a happy and prosperous year, my lovelies. Also, welcome back to another fresh start, Yee Sang tosses and lion dances!

P/S: Please feel free to correct my quotation if tafseer is wrong. I am eager to learn. Thank you!

Airwaves

I simply must confess I love how my time is being used during long hours being stuck in slow moving traffic has improved. It took me awhile to tweak my airwaves preferences as I have been quite out of touch with radio broadcast in the last 5 years.

Two of my current favourite channels are BFM, and IKIM. The former feeds my mind and the latter feeds my soul. It has saved me quite a lot of time as the news updates are clear and frequent on BFM. I especially enjoy interviews with SME leaders and lesser known key managers of lower volume counters with good fundamentals worth looking at. 

On the other hand, I do hope IKIM will improve on its recording sound quality as most recorded interviews are too soft and slightly less crisp (compared to its live broadcasts) which makes following the interviews and recorded shows a tad trickier. 

The wild card channel for me is Capital. The 1-2 pm is relaxing but I have to be careful as the drone can lull me to sleep!

What are you listening to during commute time? Soundcloud? Podcasts? Please do share!

Serendipity Saturday

The Little Girl and I were on our way to music lessons when by chance, lo and behold, we bumped into my "pupil master".

I say it in inverted commas because on record, his partner was my then pupil master. However, professional chemistry and work interest steered us together to work as a team. He was not a morning person and I was an early bird so that gave me plenty of chance to complete my mornings at the then Jalan Raja High Court for hearing in chambers, file searches and such. 

On a non-court morning, I used to have working breakfast with another lawyer who was already a partner but not hesitant to share her precious time with a newbie to guide, encourage, motivate and sometimes "reprimand". Often, breakfast was as simple as a small packet of nasi lemak with a cup of pulled tea, or as fancy as a big breakfast with latté. What mattered more was team spirit. That carried us through difficult files, tough clients and tight timelines.

I learnt a lot from them during my short stint there. By the time my long call came, we were all friends! I got offered back into oil and gas so I hung up my robe because it seemed far more lucrative as I especially loved the international exposure.

Coming back to serendipity. 

It is amazing how friends can part and nothing changes. We all went through passage of life along our own path but the ties and warmth remain. Alhamdulillah!

To MES and ZBM, thank you. 

Popular Question

Some readers wonder what I do for a living, other than the obvious Domestic Engineer/Chef/Driver/Bibik/Madam-do-it-all-by-herself post I have held since 09.09.09. 

Well, in 2011 I obtained my Companies Commission of Malaysia license to practice as a Company Secretary and the license is renewable every 3 years on condition that I complete 60 hours of continued professional education, inter alia. 

Since then, I have been working with a private investment company. Majority of my drafting work is done late at night, after my kids have slept for the night. That can range from 8.30pm on a good evening, or never on a particularly difficult evening. Imagine the stress of looming deadlines, laugh not!

During the day, I try to schedule my meetings around school runs so that I can be as productive as possible. About 4 days per annum are spent in formal training workshops so my PIL help me watch and care for my children from 8 am to 6pm. For that, I am thankful.

Smartphones and 3G has indeed mobilised my office to a large extent. Board meetings are still conducted face to face but almost everything else can be settled online, fortunately!

This position pays my bills, and keeps me in the loop indirectly with corporate legal work that I have been professionally trained for and have had 10 years working experience before "quitting" the rat race in downstream oil and gas. I call it the ember of my career where given the right condition, it can spark and burn wood well again, figuratively speaking (imagine the hazard of an actual fire in an oil and gas company - no x infinity!).

My other job is pro bono for a charitable education trust. It is a cause close to my heart and keeps my passion alive through helping underprivileged students. Together with other advisory council members, we select beneficiaries, review performance of beneficiaries, device polices and plans to assist beneficiaries achieve more out of schooling life and generally support them until completion of Sijil Pelajaran Malaysia.

It doesn't pay my bills, but this portfolio feeds my soul and keeps ennui at bay. I feel that it is important for my children to observe and participate in this education trust from young so that they can always be thankful for whatever little they have, knowing that love and family unity values are important, appreciate good education, value education as a way out of poverty for many people and that it is our obligation to help as best as we can. I really pray for my children to recognise that this is His Blessings ultimately and that we are just vessels to channel His Blessings to deserving persons.

That sums up the answer to the famous question *smiles*. What about you, my lovelies? What do you do for a living? Do you have causes that you support? Please do share!

Back to Work Wardrobe

*Caution: this is a fluffy post*

In preparation of my mission to return to gainful employment, I am rebuilding my work clothes and essential pieces. I still believe in capsule wardrobe which enables easy mix and match while saving precious minutes every morning.

Of course, I also believe in having the right niat, people skills, brains, experience, support system, technical know-how, talent, passion and *cue for fluff*... looks. I must look the role. It is part of grooming, and marketing oneself properly, representing the brand one works with.

Also, different people achieve different goals with their bonus and year end rewards. Zakat, first and foremost, for Muslims. It is only 2.5%, folks. Come on! Then, please set aside some for savings and financial commitments etc. 

 

In order to "really" reward myself, I *cue for more fluff* buy shoes and bags. My closet has purses, clutch bags, work bags, diaper bags etc which all tell a backstory of how hard I had worked for each piece of them. Same with my shoes! When I put them on, I feel confident about myself. I feel like I have a piece of my own "behind the scene" stories which can power me on in the board room. It reminds me of how Allah swt blesses me. 

Needless to say, The Other Half is very lucky I have yet to reward myself with Chopard and exquisite time pieces. I can hear that sigh of relief!

So, if you see someone resembling me trying on office-y clothes, and carting home replacement pairs of 6.5D Vara, in the next few days, do stop me in my tracks and say "Happy New Year!"

P/S: impeccable service at Salvatore Ferragamo, The Gardens. So glad to know Salvatore Ferragamo Italy has terminated the franchise and is now running the boutiques directly. Bravo!

Equilibrium

Answers and revelations come not when we expect, but at His Time and Will.

 

Such, is His Perfect Plan.

 

Syukur alhamdulillah for His Perfect Answers.

 

The pendulum has stopped, and my heart is full, content and assured once again. He really wants to know if I Trust Him whole-heartedly...

*Image credit to Google*

To those who have been praying for me to find my equilibrium, thank you as well. You know who you are, and your supplications are very precious to me. Yes, I went from "apply" to "withdraw" , and back to "apply" after a "self-inflection due diligence" and endless discussions with The Other Half.

No, I was not fickle, and will admit to over-analysing the situation. I even re-read my own blog posts from the first trimester of my first pregnancy to remind myself why I had chosen to be SAHM/WAHM and let my dream job go.

Note to self:

Indeed, a mother is the pillar of unity at home. What is this is my ticket to Jannah?

Indeed, a mother is the first school for her children. It is never a waste for a highly-educated mother to nurture her children. In fact, a highly-educated mother is the most suitable nanny, tutor and companion. I would hire me! What if this is my ticket to Jannah?

Indeed, the niat of being a SAHM/WAHM must constantly be a reminder to self and focus so as not to waver. What if this is my ticket to Jannah?

Indeed, rezeki comes in various forms and not just measured in terms of bank balances, high reserves in EPF, closet full of designer arm candies and gold bars. Health, precious moments with my children, sufficient sleep and still enjoying some peppering of small luxuries are rezeki too. What if sacrificing Dunya is my ticket to Jannah?

Indeed, my dreams can be kept alive, legal skills honed and contribute positively in other ways. even in ways that I am already doing, but improved or better delivered. What if serving more diligently on the education trust of which I am already a Director be my ticket to Jannah?

*alright, I will stop saying ticket to Jannah as you may already be completely annoyed by now*

Indeed, seeing is believing. The tight daily timeline, chores and tasks to complete to care for a family with 4+ and 1+ year old children with no helper is exhausting. It will not be feasible to be in gainful employment and not able to conquer the world deliver as the position so requires. I do not want to be unfair to my beloved PETRONAS. In sya Allah, my time will be better managed/settled by September 2015 and I can then revisit my dreams. Right job, not so perfect timing. May Allah swt keep this rezeki open to me when the time is right, Amin! Even my PIL now agree that September 2015 would be much better timing.

Indeed, the cost of living and inflation coupled with looming GST are stress factors. Which dutiful wife would not want to contribute positively towards betterment of home economics? If I am not able to bring in extra dough at the present moment, perhaps I can look for ways to save by cooking more meals at home, cut down on artisan brew coffee and not shop as much? I should count my blessings of not being burdened by any loans and debts. 

Indeed, I must believe in all of the above. The only demon is myself. I must really watch my thoughts when I am alone! A true Believer does not moan but count blessings *knocks self on forehead*

In closing, may the short remainder of 2014 be smooth sailing, sweet and seamlessly transition into 2015. AirAsia light went missing this morning. My heart sank. No fireworks, please. No  Mat Rempit honking to usher the new year in, please. 

Happy New Better Year, my lovelies. I promise to be more cheerful next year.

 

Pendulum

Be still, my heart!

I swing from "yes, go back to work" to "no, the kids need you at home". It never has been this strong before so I now realise the real conflict of desire versus duty. 

Praying for answers is the best I can do, while updating my LinkedIn and CV. This time, I will not take opportunities for granted. I also pray that I won't have to pay the "diaper penalty" for having sat out for 5 years.

In coping, or in preparation, we are writing a home operations manual in SOP style, together with timelines for each child, accounting for school runs, after-school worksheets, piano practice, dinner rotation and just about 1001 other tasks.

Besides, perusing the pros and cons list certainly help my feet to stay grounded. That appears to be my "hujah-hujah bertulis" when asking for blessings from my PIL.

Just when I am being content as a work from home mum, this new test/opportunity is presented to me. Allah swt never stops making us stronger and challenge us to the best version of ourselves, in my humble opinion.

*Note to self poster*

How do you working mums balance this? How do you ace it all? Please share, my lovelies! You really, really have my utmost respect!!

P/S: Pendulum will stop in the middle, as gravity dictates. Hopefully, that represents the balanced answer to questions I am seeking.

Dreams

It has been some time since I wanted something this badly. 

This time, my pulse races, I feel spiders under my skin just like the very first time I set my eyes upon it in 2009. 

In fact, I had it in 2009 but I had to let it go.

However, circumstances have changed and everyone has grown over the years. My support system has somewhat changed too, and this is key. 

Is this a calling for me to return and accomplish my dream? I would be eternally grateful for a crawling chance back into it.

Only He knows.

Let Him decide.

Oh, but strive I must. If I do get it this time, I promise to hang on to it with my dear life. Second chances are rare.

Let's start by clicking that "apply" button. Wish me luck, my lovelies. I am so going to need every prayer on this. Thank you. So. Very. Much.

Crazy Busy

How have you been, my lovelies?

I am sorry for the slow updates this week, it has been hectic both at work and at home, despite the two fronts being at the same location, different rooms.

On the up side, I am sneaking a minute or two catching up with updates on blogs by fellow mums. So much has happened since I burrowed into rabbit hole/work dungeon! Love to all, you know who you are. 

Hope to complete some work by this week and find a breather (before some minor renovations start). Keep me updated, my lovelies! 

Honest Answer

Every now and then, my PIL ask about my desire to return to work full time (in an office, gainful employment, chasing my dreams and bringing home the dough). 

The answer used to be a confident "yes" when I only had The Little Girl but that is quickly changing with Bean around. When she was about 8 months old, I even went as far as updating my résumé and meeting up with my head-hunter from Singapore, only to withdraw when my PIL objected to the offer and counter-offered with another opportunity (an ideal offer of working from home with flexible hours and almost non-existent deadlines, bless!)

2 kids later, my scenario has changed. Recently, they have asked again about my plans on catching up with my career path. It has left me with some insecurity and jitters.

How am I going to cope (with full time employment outside) with housework, cooking, laundry, homework and their studies, music and piano practice, swimming lessons, soccer dates, play dates etc. if I were working full time and not allowed to hire a helper? It is a catch 22 puzzle for me. 

As a result, by and by, my own hopes and dreams dissolves into nothingness, replaced beautifully and bursting with potential of what my children can possibly achieve.

Now I understand the meaning of sacrifice.

Now I understand what one does for unconditional love.

Now I accept that I have so much more to learn, through my children.

Syukur alhamdulillah for this opportunity, as I better myself, through my children.

Maybe, I have to communicate this change to my PIL...and maybe ask why they never ask The Other Half the same question...

Finally, I am growing. Up.

Nausea

No, I am NOT pregnant.

Work is so stressful lately I feel nauseated whenever more work related email comes into my inbox. 

The last time I felt this insurmountable  stress was 2002 when I was serving my pupillage! The gloom and doom, uncertainty, insecurity, anxiety...expectations...

How do you cope with such stress? Do you network and look for solutions amongst peers? Do you have a reliable mentor to fall back on for counsel?

Quitting is not an option in my case...so it  looks like I will just have to persevere until I find solutions to those matters. In my line of practice, experience counts  equally as much if not more than knowledge. Right now, I could use some extra dose of both.

Staying-at-home and dealing with kids then working-from-home and still dealing with kids, I admit, has weakened my work-related skills, accuracy and acumen after 61 months.

Whilst it can be tough to focus on drafting documents with background noise and putting the pairs of eyes behind my head on full alert in case Bean bumps or falls, those are not excuses acceptable to my paymaster. The sooner I find my mojo, the better.

The silver lining is that I turn to Him for answers, and strength to carry on. May Allah swt shower answers, wisdom and blessings my way, Amin!

As well as this drawing by The Little Girl as motivation:

I can do this! I have to.