Work From Home: Support Network

Salam, my lovelies.

Seven years ago, I made the decision to quit the rat race to raise a young family. It is the craziest/bravest/stupidest decision I have ever made in my life (I must confess it is actually the best and appropriate decision given my circumstances).

We have no live-in helper. No driver.

When I was pregnant with Bean, I had Kak Saras come over on weekends to help clean The Flat. She did that for a few months until after my confinement. She used to help me out when Girl was first born too. Alas, she is too old to take on cleaning jobs now, and we have yet to find someone as trustworthy and detailed as she is. If you know of a live-out cleaning lady/housekeeper, please drop me a message. Thank you.

Recently, we also contacted a live-out helper to come in for a few hours twice weekly to help with ironing. She is a real blessing and I kick myself for not engaging her sooner! Together, she and I, we fight LaundryMonster. So far so good, Alhamdulillah.

Finally, we have a professional babysitter to watch Bean for a couple of hours when I take Girl out to her piano lessons. Ms R is someone we are familiar with as she was a former teacher at The Playschool. Bean adores her, to my huge relief! They read, watch Disney DVDs, share snacks and play when I am away.

Whilst we can and want to do everything ourselves, sometimes, we just need an extra pair of hands. With a spouse recovering from surgery, and my having 3 work-from-home jobs (other than being a full-time mum and wife), I feel this is a wise move and better employment of time/skills/energy.

If you have more coping tips, please do share!

The 20 Seconds Hug

Do you have a go-to love-affirming strategy at home?

I learnt this love-affirming strategy known as the 20 Seconds Hug from Dr. Andrea Mayrhofer in a Positive Parenting Workshop in 2013.

It does take much out of me when I need a strong love-ammo to deal with sibling rivalry, amongst others. Over time, I come to appreciate that this simple method works for my stressed out spouse too.

Hug tightly. Count silently from 1-20 or say "I love you very much, baby *insert name here*."

The Little Girl was going through a rough patch emotionally after she had realised that Bean is here to stay and that she could not just return him to the hospital or stuff him back into my belly. After many doses of The 20 Seconds Hug peppered with back rubs and kisses on her cheeks, she throws hardly any tantrums now compared to before.

Bean gets his fair share of 20 seconds hugs too because he sometimes goes through separation anxiety when he is being dropped off at The Playschool, or sees me leaving home for The Big School with his elder sister.

Works 80% of the time, and is good enough for me.

My liberal dose of 20 seconds hugs at other times of the day:

- before I hit the shower/use the bathroom

- before I start any chore at the kitchen or laundry area

- before tucking The Little Girl in for the night

When I am very lucky, they give me the 20 seconds hug! You'd be surprised how long 20 seconds feels like just being present in that moment. 

The Little Red Cube at Puteri Harbour

1. Hello Kitty Town

2. The Little Big Club hosted the following:

PinguBob The Builder

Angelina Ballerina

Thomas The Train

Barney And Friends

We purchased the Two Clubs Entry tickets. The Little Girl and I had both watched enough episodes (between 2010 and 2013) of those characters above to appreciate what Little Big Club has to offer. 

The Other Half and Bean were less excited, and I do not blame them. I was a big fan of Hello Kitty during my primary school days and it was exclusive back then because I could only purchase them from Melbourne and everything was "Made in Japan". 

Surprisingly, my excitement level during this visit was zero. I wonder what had gotten into me? Overdose of Hello Kitty from Akemi and Isetan KLCC? The Little Girl enjoyed the spinning tea cups ride though, while I got dizzy from all that loud music and spinning. Let's admit it: I am aging!

The Little Big Club felt like a fun-fair/indoor playground within an office block, in my humble opinion. We were offered a 10% discount for the entrance fees by showing our Legoland tickets from the previous day. Luckily for us, I only had to give the Legoland reference numbers as per email as I had not brought along the used and discarded printed tickets. 

I found the Hello Kitty Town displays a little too crowded, as Hello Kitty fans were quite kiasu that day. Some of the adults were oblivious to younger persons around and in the queue, so quite a few handbags and elbows were accidentally shoved into The Little Girl's face. Luckily there was no injuries (otherwise enraged mum would have made it to headlines albeit not for good reason!).

However, The Little Girl, being 4 going on 5, loved the rides on the top floor where Thomas and Friends are featured to bits! Bean is too young to play in most areas and spent majority of his time squirming to be set free or waving at The Other Half who had taken The Little Girl on one of the rides.

The Barney and Friends musical made The Little Girl's day. We ended the visit with lunch at Trader's Hotel. The walk along the promenade outdoors felt a little like walking along Publika on a weekend. 

We did not redeem our free drink offer from Lat's Place as The Other Half was not keen on spending another minute there (he was bored silly and super exhausted from having to wrestle Bean, who prefers to toddle and turns 360 degrees to be let loose). 

Our Garmin charted only the pre-construction routes so we had a minor detour when arriving and departing. Other than that, the Doubletree JB-The Puteri Harbour-Johor Premium Outlet-Doubletree JB drives were smooth, syukur alhamdulillah!

How We Chose The Big School

The Big School is our nickname for the school that The Little Girl has been confirmed for Reception come January 2015. It will be quite a grand start to the new year, as you can probably foresee by now.

I will share what we did in our limited experience of selecting The Big School:

Firstly, schedule a school tour, interview a teacher who is free to speak to you during the appointment, observe the students during class/recess/games/assembly. Walk the entire school ground, observe security measures, rate the cleanliness and safety/HSE plans. We did, and we made notes! We took photographs where permissible. We asked to be shown the fire escape routes, emergency plans, fire drill frequency and safety assembly points.

Secondly, there are reviews and resources available online and offline that can help narrow down your choice. Join support groups to find out parents' perspective and experience. Meet and speak with other parents who already have children studying at your choice school to gauge. Listen to their personal encouters and mentally assess if the schooling routine/calendar and lifestyle are within your comfort zone.

Thirdly, research the books and materials used in each of the education system. Libraries, school bookshops, general bookstore. How accessible/affordable  are those books and materials? Are second hand textbooks available? Are online resources  updated?

After narrowing down our candidate schools, we further asked ourselves the following:

1. Syllabus

We were firm on following the Cambridge/British syllabus as we have family in United Kingdom. In the event we choose to relocate, having a syllabus not alien to the kids will hopefully offer a smoother transition, and less culture shock.

Honestly speaking, the English-Bahasa Melayu pendulum for Science and Mathematics, new education blueprint etc have shaken our core. We are not 100% comfortable, especially when national level major examinations' questions can be leaked so easily, passing rate graphs speculated to be flexible, and students polarised according to race and religion.

The Other Half studied under the Malaysian KBSM syllabus with UPSR, PMR and SPM before moving on to a twinning programme with a British university. He disliked the regurgitation style offered by his local alma mater and refuses to let his children suffer the same limitations to ideology, approach, methology and pedagogy. What a mouthful! 

I went through my UPSR, SRP and SPM and scored "stellar" results by being an all rounder. Prefect, school cooperative president, choir and music club president, librarian, Leo Club secretary, and some other clubs too, all helped to hone leadership and membership qualities. Sports were offered (except swimming which is such a basic life skill and should be introduced!).

Sometimes, I do wonder what happened to The Other Half as he comes from a supposedly urban school in bigger city with better facilities? I am truly blessed as  the Convent I was registered at had high standards and still does till today. It is a shame though as I am not moving to my home state!

However, I realised too that I had only really emerged as a person of my own right at my Year 12 New South Wales High School Certificate. My TER Ranking was 84.5 and that reflected my (limited) abilities and talent without having to memorise much. I came face the differences between learners/students and thinkers/memorisers. It was a huge shock and major adjustments had to be made in the short 9 months I was preparing for my Year 12!

My law degree is from a British university, where some form of memorising of case law was required but facts are facts, history is history. Memorising is part of the deal. The differentiating factor is in writing opinion. I found my British friends who may not have cited as many case law and sections of the statute but were able to articulate their opinion and views concisely, astutely and almost professionally scoring the 1st class and Upper Second Class. I worked hard but only deserved a Lower Second, proving that critical thinking is crucial at tertiary level. Some of my friends who could not adjust within the short 3 years were awarded with Third Class and General Degree which prevented them from reading The English Bar, much to their dismay!

That, my lovelies, boils down to early education. I am not saying British syllabus guarantees a first or upper second class. I am saying the cognitive experience, thought process, outlook of life in general and technical approach differ, and a wholesome early education crossing into formative years of a child,  is crucial. 

Personally, I feel that British and Australian system shifts a person from a reader into a thinker. I can only vouch for these 2 as I have not experienced other systems first hand. Having said that, some of my smartest girl friends graduated from US, Japan, French and Canada education systems!

2. Location 

Closest possible to home is my choice but alas, circumstances beyond our control changed slightly and we are going to a temporary campus before moving back to the newly renovated campus. For the long term, we are budgeting for a family home closer to campus when everything is more certain and the dust has settled. I am going to need a lot of prayers answered regarding finding a suitable home close to school as property prices have escalated over the years (and will probably continue to appreciate).

Carbon footprint, escalating fuel and toll costs, commute time, alternate drivers in case of emergency, drivers' allowance and salary...please factor those in. 

3. Fees

Reasonable fees within budget and ability for at least 11 years. Projection of inflation, fees increment and cost of living. I was sleepless for many nights, and one day Allah swt did answer my prayers in the form of an education trust fund. Thank you Allah swt! Still, we must work hard to meet escalating primary, secondary, tertiary and post-graduate fees.

In fact, you may consider placing your savings for your children into managed funds such as Amanah Saham Didik or its equivalent for this special purpose. If your principal sum is substantial, the dividends yield may be withdrawn to settle school fees. 

4. Networking

The schoolmates I grew up with are my closest friends now. I want the same for my kids, and want them to cherish such invaluable, trustworthy friendships for life. Never underestimate the power of links and connection of a good and strong alumni.

5. Culture and Tradition

Many people I know do not consider this point at all and were surprised when I raised this point. My family feels that culture and tradition that are not against our own faith in Islam are the threads that weave the fabric of our lives! We are multi-racial family to begin with, so this is a point close to home. 

6. Moral Studies and Religious Studies

We did not even want to consider schools that do not offer these as options. The Other Half and I know how tough it is to pay good fees and still not be able to find reliable Ustazah. We had tried and tested external Ustazah and know for sure we require a school that offers Islam as a subject.

In conclusion, I sincerely hope that some of the above points will benefit you when it comes to selecting the right education system/school of your choice. Only you can decide which will work best for you and your child. Good luck and have fun hunting!

Malaysia Day

Tiring Tuesday indeed. 

Alhamdulillah for the 10 am piano lesson, 11 am lunch date and 3 pm swimming lesson today for The Little Girl.

Bean had a slightly different day with Gymboree Play Class with his peers, followed by a lunch date with The Other Half and ends sweetly with a recuperative afternoon nap. 

Adorably, his peers consist of a younger brother of The Little Girl's swim mate, and a younger sister of The Little Girl's Playschool mate. It is endearing how the set of firstborn and another set of second born have parallel lives! It is like these 6 children see each other on an almost daily basis, sharing different activities in the same city area. Inevitably, the parents become natural acquaintances, if not fast friends.

Well, by evening, we dined out as a family of four while the car was being washed and vacuumed; and came home by 8 pm for an early night in. 

All that in peace and harmony, double alhamdulillah!

Happy birthday, Malaysia!

P/S: the Hokkaido Milk cake my friend had brought over has my name on it, toodles!

Negaraku

Selamat Hari Malaysia next Tuesday, 16 September 2014! We are celebrating by learning to play our national anthem on the piano.

How do you celebrate such a blessed day? What are your plans? Please do share!

I Miss My Little Girl

When bedtime beckons for her, Bean is usually nursing and trying to sleep too. I have no choice but nurse him and coax him to sleep.

But my heart is torn between duty and emotions.

Lately, The Little Girl comes to say goodnight, sometimes she would whimper pitifully and lulls herself to sleep in her own bedroom with the air cond and night light on.

I miss her. 

I miss her so much.

I miss reading her those two mandatory story books. 

I miss singing her Twinkle Twinkle Little Stars. 

I miss hearing her recite al-Fatihah and giving thanksgiving for all His Blessings.

Oh, how my heart aches for her good company!

Then, she breaks into tears randomly at whatever hour and wakes the entire household up.

Just when I am exhausted beyond words and is dying for some sleep. That is when I feel guilty for not missing this bit about her. 

And so the cycle goes. Sigh.

Bank Negara Malaysia Museum

Newly printed RM250 by The Little Girl. 

We tried getting into the carpark yesterday (Sunday) but failed as it was blocked with orange cones.

Today, we trailed another car to a guard post and asked for directions. A Polis Bantuan officer was on duty, and politely directed us to LG5 visitors' car park.

Free entrance, baby change room, clean toilets, decent café, children play area, and 3 levels of museum worthy material including numismatic, Islamic finance, economy, fine arts, currency timeline etc = worth a visit or two!

TMI for my little ones but they had fun overall. 

Thumbs up, Bank Negara Malaysia! We sure hope the museum will be better maintained for years to come, in sha Allah.

Morning Routine

What is your morning routine like?

Here is a snapshot of mine:

7.30 am : wake The Little Girl up for Playschool on weekdays. Amazingly, she wakes up early on weekends when we can actually sleep in. Bummer for me, of course.

7.45 am : the second alarm to really get The Little Girl going if she isn't already.

8 am : breakfast. Despite the rotating menu, she nearly always just drinks goats milk and refuses to eat.

8.30 am : get her changed into her outfit and pack her water bottle into her backpack. She usually picks a toy/book of the day to accompany her. 99% of the time she wears NOT her uniform. 

8.45 am : out the door, into the lift, get her belted into the booster and start the short drive to Playschool. We usually exchange plans for the day.

9 am : drop her off at The Playschool gate, a quick hug and kiss.

9.15 am : grocery shopping and driving home to sort out lunch, laundry, cleaning up, errands, play time/feed Bean and let me just confess that this feels like the shortest morning hours ever! 

The Other Half watches Bean when I am out for the school run. On days when he has appointments, we exchange our duties so that he can out the door and not miss the appointment. Luckily for us, he can arrange the appointment time to suit our family routine so as to prevent chaos/being late.

Bean goes to Gymboree on some mornings so he too, has to be included in the morning school run. He is mostly a contented and happy toddler but you can tell he is starting to be frustrated at being strapped down safely in his car seat. So far, nursery rhymes and a small toy can still keep him entertained from KLCC to Bangsar.

In order to cope, we have a weekly meal planner, weekday discount summary at our local grocer's typed out in my mobile Notes, weekly chores planner and quite often still NOT have the time to do it all.

My biggest downfall? Facebook. 

It is sucking too much of my time and I had to leave some groups recently I order to regain some precious minutes back into my short mornings (and rest of the day, obviously).

My other downfall? Whatsapp.

Far too many messages on non-urgent matters. In fact, my phone memory got bogged down and the app just won't upload anymore. Blessing in disguise as I now regain extra minutes to relief my pressure cooker harried lifestyle.

Lunch is often simple and Bean is babyledweaning style eater who helps himself quite independently (small mess, bearable!). We then resume whatever we were doing to prepare for the afternoon. 

1.30 pm : leave home/ appointment place for Playschool to fetch The Little Girl home. If we are lucky and no one is having tantrums, solat Zuhur once we get home at about 2.15 pm.

On Fridays, we leave earlier for Playschool as I have to do a solo drive with Bean to fetch The Little Girl at 1 pm while The Other Half is at solat jumaah. Bean prefers to explore the waiting area at the Playschool and not be rushed back into his car seat too soon. Often times, it is much easier to just pick The Little Girl up straight from the gate at dismissal time and not have to leave the car at all. Rarely does Bean nap through the Friday pick up...and I have grown to somewhat expect the worst. 

Do all parents rush this way too? Does it feel stressful sometimes?

Please share your time management tips to simplify my mornings. Thank you!

Night Terrors

My 4.5 year old daughter still suffers from night terrors and they tend to strike at 2am. These episodes have resulted in us being somewhat irritable as her sharp and loud cries would often escalate into waking an entire household up.

Added to the recent jetlag recovery (took us longer due to her night terrors), we resorted to seeking divine intervention at Darussyifa Bangi. I will blog about the treatment once I can, in sha Allah!

Ustaz Abd Rashid did advise us not to stay out later than Maghrib, to give the kids their evening baths by 6.30 pm and basically say a complete goodnight supplication for them at every bed time. We also shared our bidara-infused drinking and bath water with them for 3 days.

Syukur alhamdulillah everyone is on the road to recovery.

(Digression: My greatest challenge is solat, and to overcome this I really need to commit the entire solat to memory instead of relying on The Other Half as imam. Wish me luck, or rather, keep me in your supplication for ease to come my way. I strongly believe everything will fall in place once I am an independent Muslimah.)

Fortunately, such night terrors have subsided from a full blown 2am repertoire to a whiny few minutes of irritating noise that may be calmed with some supplications and sometimes a cuddle or two. Lying down beside her and patting her back to sleep has a 50% chance of success, and that is like saying try for whatever works. As long as Bean remains unperturbed and sleeping, all is good. However, my rage flies when The Little Girl wakes Bean up, as it can be quite a circus trying to put two kids back to sleep before subuh! 

Tiring nights, panda eyes for The Other Half and I as we juggle working from home and raising two kids without any external help. Can you tell we are struggling as hard as other parents with two children under 5 years old?

How do you handle such night terrors? Please do share!

A Deux

The Little Girl had been playing up at piano lessons. Pun intended.

Today, we hit a breakthrough by coincidence. She was playing up and excusing herself from class the minute she walked in, citing that she needed the toilet first.

So I yanked her off the studio and told her off while she went for some relief. 

As we were about to exit the washroom, we bumped into the administrator from the music school.

The administrator then suggested that I leave her alone with the teacher, and I need to decompress (totally agree!). She assured me that The Little Girl would be safe. 

So off I went to try on some palazzo pants at Zara. Disappointingly, they didn't have my XS size but had plenty of other attractive items I was not planning to buy. I walked out from Zara empty handed but satisfied. Weird.

Then, I thought I had a few more minutes to spare and went to purchase a hot mocha for myself at Starbucks. I even bought The Little Girl her orange juice for an after class treat!

Subsequently, I went back to the studio at 5 minutes before class ended. The teacher commented that The Little Girl was much better without my presence. She played Mary Had A Little Lamb; both treble and bass! 

Couldn't be more pleased. 

Alhamdulillah, and in sha Allah more independent lessons coming our way! Can you tell I am just excited to have some time to myself? Just me? 

Have a blessed weekend!

One On One

The Little Girl and I have impromptu dates sometimes. They are mostly free too!

Like the time we went to Galeri Petronas at KLCC while Bean was eating his meal with The Other Half. 

We do not include groceries and errands as dates; although we should. Now that the weather is slightly less humid, maybe we should resume scootering and brisk walking at Titiwangsa.

We would escape the norm just for about 15 minutes for a simple exhibition (paintings and abstract) and longer if it is something which interests her (notably, science and architecture).

Her pace, her questions, her hands in mine. 

Just the two of us.

Do you have a one on one with each of your children too? Please share how it feels like and what do you enjoy doing together?

Take Two

The Little Girl is 4 years 2 months today and she is moving to her own bedroom. 

It has always been hers, on loan for 11 months to Bean, as she preferred sleeping with me on my king size bed.

I am praying so hard this time she will stay in her room. It was her request and initiative so I hope she remembers her covenant. 

Piano, doll house, personal toys, own bed with favourite sheets and duvet! She even get the privilege to invite two soft toys to cuddle. We still need to add a desk with seat for her activities and later on for studying.

What age do you deem appropriate to allow children to have their own bedroom and space? Are you one who experienced Gina Ford success from birth? Pamela Druckerman? Dr. Spock?

Please do share your valuable tips and experience!

Achingly Sweet Note

I love you too, baby, I love you too!

Note from The Little Girl to me one rainy evening, spent indoors and doodling while I cooked dinner.

Bless!

Independence

Independence comes in many forms. The Little Girl is slowly but surely achieving hers in the pool.

Front crawl with mini kickboards, and I am counting weeks until those pink Speedo foams will be left redundant.

Swim, baby, swim!

I am so proud of you.

Theory

The Little Girl turned 4 recently and I feel like time has really flown by. Her attention span has also increased slightly and she is more keen on quiet activities such as music theory worksheets. 

Bless!

Yamaha U1

Let me let you in to one of our biggest secret (nah, the title gave it away):

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We have a new member arriving at The Flat in time for The Little Girl's 4th grand birthday!

Yes, one that has a voice. An examination worthy voice. A voice that will hopefully complete an otherwise half-trodden musical journey of the parents in this household. The Other Half was not offered formal music lessons (so he played by ear by tinkering at the old piano they had when growing up) and neither was I. Poor us. Such deprived childhood. Such unfinished agenda.

So.

We want to learn, for our own good. Maybe, we will never be musical prodigies at this ripe old age but really, that is not the bottomline of inviting music into our lives.

We want to enrich of souls, even if it is just by a little.

Some (readers of this blog can already guess who the usual naysayers are, right?) predict quite a bit of battle of the wills can and will occur in the near future as The Little Girl may refuse to practice, or have anything to do with the big black box with some keys. Maybe she will have two left hands and not be able to differentiate bass from treble.

Ahhh. Que sera sera.

We will still proceed with full confidence and gusto (our "success" as permitted by Allah Almighty in the breastfeeding journey has really changed our perception of negativity and doom into one of possibilities and unimaginable satisfaction from persevering whilst submitting to His will).

Therefore, let's pray that this too, will be a success story milestone in our seemingly insignificant lives. May the world be filled with more peace and love just because we have some music. Amin!

**invoking TigerMum mode, nonetheless**

Mycoplasma Infection

Two Fridays ago, The Little Girl registered high fever whilst at Playschool. One of the teachers on duty rang me to pick her up immediately. 

By the time I parted the Red Sea that is Friday Prayers Traffic Jam in the city centre, she has been sponged for at least 20 minutes. 

So I drove her home, gave her some paracetamol syrup, bathed her then slapped on a sheet of BabyFever forehead stickers thinking that that would do it. It usually did.

But not that particular Friday. Her temperature spiked every hour, despite it all and by 9pm, we decided that PCMC ER is the only way to go.

Luckily, we did just that. Blood test was done and the results came back positive for mycoplasma infection. We even ordered the NS-1 test for dengue, which fortunately was available and showed negative results.

What followed was admission, two nights with intravenous drips, antibiotics and paracetamol.

Moral of the story is: do not take fever for granted. Get a blood test!