Wednesday, 26 February 2014

Retrospective Wisdom: Post Natal Depression

I was suffering from PND after the birth of The Little Girl. During confinement and many months after, I was perpetually tired, easily upset, hyper-sensitive and filled with crippling negativity.

The Little Girl had colic, and we didn't know what to do. The Little Girl would not sleep through the night, and we didn't know what to do. The Little Girl had cow milk protein intolerance, and we didn't know what to do. The Little Girl had stork marks on her forehead between her brows, and we didn't know what to do.

I felt disabled.
I felt stupid.
I felt useless.

What set me off? Hormones, physically being confined to the limited space upstairs at The House without wifi for 44 days, being dictated by my well-meaning MIL who came across as hovering helicopter, erratic meal times which suited my MIL and not my hunger after breastfeeding, not having time to shower, close friends who could not visit, acquaintances who overstayed their welcome, etc. Almost every small thing set me off. It was painful.
Then one day, after 13 months, the fog lifted.
We were away for a Spring family holiday in Yorkshire during the Royal Wedding and magically, just like that, I could savour my mocha from Starbucks again, one fine Spring morning. It was a blindingly beautiful morning.

It was like a new lease of life.
Just like that, Allah s.w.t. healed me, and reminded his humble servant of how beautiful life really is and that life with all its busyness is also worth persevering for. Patience is a huge part of faith, indeed.
Retrospective Wisdom: I learnt early on after the second delivery and confinement to surround myself with lots of positive affirmation of what I do well, ignore the negative remarks and focus on how perfect The Little Girl and Bean are. The Other Half is a true gem in braving this storm with me, including the many tedious solo trips to shop for my downsize clothing. There was a tough period we had to spend more time with The Little Girl in reassuring her of our love and affection (that Bean is not a threat but her loving younger brother) but I knew deep inside my heart, that was not PND. Not even close.
How did you handle your PND? Was it tough? How long did it last? How did you recover? When did you realise that you had come out of it? Did you get any clinical help? Do share! 


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