Equilibrium

Answers and revelations come not when we expect, but at His Time and Will.

 

Such, is His Perfect Plan.

 

Syukur alhamdulillah for His Perfect Answers.

 

The pendulum has stopped, and my heart is full, content and assured once again. He really wants to know if I Trust Him whole-heartedly...

*Image credit to Google*

To those who have been praying for me to find my equilibrium, thank you as well. You know who you are, and your supplications are very precious to me. Yes, I went from "apply" to "withdraw" , and back to "apply" after a "self-inflection due diligence" and endless discussions with The Other Half.

No, I was not fickle, and will admit to over-analysing the situation. I even re-read my own blog posts from the first trimester of my first pregnancy to remind myself why I had chosen to be SAHM/WAHM and let my dream job go.

Note to self:

Indeed, a mother is the pillar of unity at home. What is this is my ticket to Jannah?

Indeed, a mother is the first school for her children. It is never a waste for a highly-educated mother to nurture her children. In fact, a highly-educated mother is the most suitable nanny, tutor and companion. I would hire me! What if this is my ticket to Jannah?

Indeed, the niat of being a SAHM/WAHM must constantly be a reminder to self and focus so as not to waver. What if this is my ticket to Jannah?

Indeed, rezeki comes in various forms and not just measured in terms of bank balances, high reserves in EPF, closet full of designer arm candies and gold bars. Health, precious moments with my children, sufficient sleep and still enjoying some peppering of small luxuries are rezeki too. What if sacrificing Dunya is my ticket to Jannah?

Indeed, my dreams can be kept alive, legal skills honed and contribute positively in other ways. even in ways that I am already doing, but improved or better delivered. What if serving more diligently on the education trust of which I am already a Director be my ticket to Jannah?

*alright, I will stop saying ticket to Jannah as you may already be completely annoyed by now*

Indeed, seeing is believing. The tight daily timeline, chores and tasks to complete to care for a family with 4+ and 1+ year old children with no helper is exhausting. It will not be feasible to be in gainful employment and not able to conquer the world deliver as the position so requires. I do not want to be unfair to my beloved PETRONAS. In sya Allah, my time will be better managed/settled by September 2015 and I can then revisit my dreams. Right job, not so perfect timing. May Allah swt keep this rezeki open to me when the time is right, Amin! Even my PIL now agree that September 2015 would be much better timing.

Indeed, the cost of living and inflation coupled with looming GST are stress factors. Which dutiful wife would not want to contribute positively towards betterment of home economics? If I am not able to bring in extra dough at the present moment, perhaps I can look for ways to save by cooking more meals at home, cut down on artisan brew coffee and not shop as much? I should count my blessings of not being burdened by any loans and debts. 

Indeed, I must believe in all of the above. The only demon is myself. I must really watch my thoughts when I am alone! A true Believer does not moan but count blessings *knocks self on forehead*

In closing, may the short remainder of 2014 be smooth sailing, sweet and seamlessly transition into 2015. AirAsia light went missing this morning. My heart sank. No fireworks, please. No  Mat Rempit honking to usher the new year in, please. 

Happy New Better Year, my lovelies. I promise to be more cheerful next year.