Sleep Early

I used to go to bed by 9.30 pm when pregnant with Bean but lately have shortchanged myself in the shut eye department. 

It is the darn reading materials subscribed online and downloaded daily. Time to put the Apple twins (iPhone and iPad) down and go to sleep, really!

Reading before sleeping has been a habit since childhood and one that is hard to break, but perhaps this is one bad habit I will keep. Even after LASIK in 2001, I kept on reading. Work and leisure. Shopping (reading the ingredient list is scrutiny fine print work, have you tried?)

*picks up e-book*

Good night, folks!

Continued Professional Training

In line with keeping myself as a work from home mother, I also attend continued professional training at least once a year for a couple of days to earn credit hours for Licensed Secretary license renewal.

 

This year, I hope to complete mine this March before the commencement of April holidays. Really hope to get this off my to-do list so that I can truly relax in the company of family.

 

The perks?

9 am - 5 pm x 2 days without the kids - this itself feels like a holiday already!

 

I know I am truly not ready to join full time workforce just as yet, and this is my way of keeping myself employable until I consider returning to work full time. Maybe. Maybe not. The Other Half and I just had a brief discussion that perhaps our calling is in building our mini masjid with our little ummah.

 

As for now, this is good enough. It is not much, but it is something. It is not everything, but it is important. Truly, loved ones are all that matter. Contentment comes from within and now I truly get that about me.

 

38, and I finally figured another small part of myself out.

The Crawling Baby

Bean is crawling everywhere at home now. Such a cute sight! I really cherish this milestone and try to remember these wonderful moments forever (resulting in not taking much photos, sadly).

 

How do I even begin to baby-proof the playroom full of toys suitable for above 3 years old for a 8 month old?

 

When The Little Girl is away at Playschool, it is just Bean and we can scan the room, put away small/sharp toys and organise the play somewhat. However, when The Little Girl is home and is playing, it is havoc! The playroom sometimes look like a storm just passed. With everything strewn all over in an evidently happy mess, it may be a hazard to the little crawler who also likes to explore texture and taste by putting the toys into his mouth.

 

Oh, the supplication of this mother just went a tad longer for Allah s.w.t. to keep the two little ones safe from harm, safe from each other. Amin!

Gratitude: Holidays

Today I am thankful that we have upcoming holidays! 

Two local ones this April and one to a far away place in August. Sure there will be lots of packing and dirty laundry at the end of it all but, oh, the memories that we will create as a young family!

Alhamdulillah. Allah s.w.t. is so generous with His blessings.

May the weather improve with return of blue skies, wind that brings rain clouds and all of Allah's glorious creations!

Gratitude: Resolutions

Today I am thankful for resolutions.

 

I have made a seemingly simple resolution this year. No wonder it is so easy to break resolutions!

 

Mine is to tame my tongue when communicating face to face with elders; and edit my not-so-sweet remarks/comments/retort when communicating online.

 

This is now only early March and already I am making a few faltered steps. Instead of giving the laser comeback lines to the ones close and dear (usually my MIL) and being a keyboard warrior when provoked online, I now put myself in the other person's shoes and wonder how insecure/unlearned/hormonal/PMS/menopausal the person may be feeling.

 

Now, I'd find myself quite reserved in my replies. I would try to limit my time alone with the ever-provoking MIL so that I will not loose my cool. I lose the game when I do not keep my cool.

 

When I have typed out an entire perfect comeback line online, I would hit "delete" instead of posting. Then perhaps, edit the relationship, set restrictions, unsubscribe, unfollow, unlike, unfriend and block, depending on the severity of the case. I am sure you have done it too! Some call it social culling.

 

Surprise, surprise - this is doing my soul much good! I wish I knew earlier but I keep reminding myself this is to be taken "one step at a time, one thought at a time".

 

In conclusion, I am thankful that I realise and keep what is doing me good, and doing away with what is harmful to my time, energy and soul. May Allah s.w.t. accept this little ibadah, Amin! 

Retrospective Wisdom: Post Natal Depression

I was suffering from PND after the birth of The Little Girl. During confinement and many months after, I was perpetually tired, easily upset, hyper-sensitive and filled with crippling negativity.

The Little Girl had colic, and we didn't know what to do. The Little Girl would not sleep through the night, and we didn't know what to do. The Little Girl had cow milk protein intolerance, and we didn't know what to do. The Little Girl had stork marks on her forehead between her brows, and we didn't know what to do.

I felt disabled.

 

I felt stupid.

 

I felt useless.

What set me off? Hormones, physically being confined to the limited space upstairs at The House without wifi for 44 days, being dictated by my well-meaning MIL who came across as hovering helicopter, erratic meal times which suited my MIL and not my hunger after breastfeeding, not having time to shower, close friends who could not visit, acquaintances who overstayed their welcome, etc. Almost every small thing set me off. It was painful.

 

Then one day, after 13 months, the fog lifted.

 

We were away for a Spring family holiday in Yorkshire during the Royal Wedding and magically, just like that, I could savour my mocha from Starbucks again, one fine Spring morning. It was a blindingly beautiful morning.

It was like a new lease of life.

 

Just like that, Allah s.w.t. healed me, and reminded his humble servant of how beautiful life really is and that life with all its busyness is also worth persevering for. Patience is a huge part of faith, indeed.

 

Retrospective Wisdom: I learnt early on after the second delivery and confinement to surround myself with lots of positive affirmation of what I do well, ignore the negative remarks and focus on how perfect The Little Girl and Bean are. The Other Half is a true gem in braving this storm with me, including the many tedious solo trips to shop for my downsize clothing. There was a tough period we had to spend more time with The Little Girl in reassuring her of our love and affection (that Bean is not a threat but her loving younger brother) but I knew deep inside my heart, that was not PND. Not even close.

 

How did you handle your PND? Was it tough? How long did it last? How did you recover? When did you realise that you had come out of it? Did you get any clinical help? Do share! 

Gratitude: Social Media Fasting

My birthday gift to myself this year.

 

And it is free, but highly valuable.

 

Time. Alone time. Down time. Recharge time. Dream time. Do nothing time.

 

Brief, and already the benefits are immensely felt. It is a continuous purifying exercise for my mind and soul. What started as device-free weekend quickly escalated into social media fasting.

 

The hours seemed to pass by more slowly, the laughter from my growing children seemed amplified. Counter productive tasks felt less despair provoking. Practising a new headscarf style seemed less tedious.

 

It is shocking how much I miss spending time with myself.

 

Admittedly, with lesser antagonising material input into my brains, the burden I have been feeling somehow just lifted. The return to iqra, fardhu ain classes and solat are too beneficial to enumerate here. It is not a big surprise how much I miss "talking" to Allah s.w.t.

 

Try it, and experience this immeasurable gift to yourself. I acknowledge rationing too little fodder for my soul, and that is surely changing. 

 

One step at a time.

 

In sha Allah.