Friday, 27 March 2015

The 20 Seconds Hug

Do you have a go-to love-affirming strategy at home?

I learnt this love-affirming strategy known as the 20 Seconds Hug from Dr. Andrea Mayrhofer in a Positive Parenting Workshop in 2013.

It does take much out of me when I need a strong love-ammo to deal with sibling rivalry, amongst others. Over time, I come to appreciate that this simple method works for my stressed out spouse too.

Hug tightly. Count silently from 1-20 or say "I love you very much, baby *insert name here*."

The Little Girl was going through a rough patch emotionally after she had realised that Bean is here to stay and that she could not just return him to the hospital or stuff him back into my belly. After many doses of The 20 Seconds Hug peppered with back rubs and kisses on her cheeks, she throws hardly any tantrums now compared to before.

Bean gets his fair share of 20 seconds hugs too because he sometimes goes through separation anxiety when he is being dropped off at The Playschool, or sees me leaving home for The Big School with his elder sister.

Works 80% of the time, and is good enough for me.

My liberal dose of 20 seconds hugs at other times of the day:
- before I hit the shower/use the bathroom
- before I start any chore at the kitchen or laundry area
- before tucking The Little Girl in for the night

When I am very lucky, they give me the 20 seconds hug! You'd be surprised how long 20 seconds feels like just being present in that moment. 


  1. Hi there,

    I am a firm believer of long hugs and showering my kids with kisses too. Sometimes, we even do group hug and the kids love it! :)

    1. Salam Tina,

      Group hugs are awesome! As always, I admire your big on love parenting skill. So much to learn from you.

      Thanks for stopping by on such a busy day!

  2. Oh, wow, there's such a thing as a 20-second hug? No wonder my boy asks for hugs all the time, heheh! Been guilty of being too busy for hugs recently, but otherwise, our liitle family is an advocate of hugs too. Feels real good, right? Hehe. Especially when we're on the receiving end. :)

    1. Salam Haneesa,

      8 doses per day for oxytocin happy hormones! Hug away, giving and receiving are both good.

  3. I love hugging my mum too :D I love the feeling of exchanging energy while doing so :)

    1. Salam Cik Nina,

      Your mom will surely feel very loved too, hope you get to hug her soon!