This little entry is inspired by JC, one of my loyal silent reader(s). We worked together for an average of 12 hours each weekday for about 18 months previously, took holidays abroad together and travelled as workmates extensively. Sweet memories!
She has recently delivered a healthy and perfect little boy, VBAC and she is amazing in so many ways as a friend, sister and fellow mum throughout the many years we have known each other. Here is to many more, in sha Allah.
Dear JC,
I hope this addresses some of your questions.
It finally feels like I have two young children under the age of 5. After 19 months of having Bean around! The early days were intimidating and just thinking of how I was going to cope with two critters gave me anxiety. Of course it still is tiring, when both want my attention at the same time, nearly all the time.
Which is why, it is never wrong to recharge and make time for oneself. Even if it means ten minutes in the morning before everyone else is awake, or ten minutes in the late evening after everyone else has retired for the night. When the mum is happy, the entire family is happy.
It finally feels like my role as a wife/mother is paramount to at least 3 other lives around me and that my life is beyond my personal dreams and opportunities. It is never wrong to harbour the dreams for it may come true someday. Whilst I would personally enjoy a career in my chosen field and travel again, now is simply not the right time to do so.
Right now, right here: priorities.
My children are young and they need me. I am irreplaceable. The company can always hire someone else to do my job. I never ever want someone else to be the mum to my children. I never ever want someone else to be the wife to my husband! I am always happy for those mums who have a great support network and can juggle so well. In fact, I respect and admire them for what they do because they sacrifice a lot too!
It finally feels like the pendulum has stopped and I have found my equilibrium. It did not happen overnight. It took a lot of praying, debating with The Other Half and discussion with my PIL. The Little Girl vehemently voted against my return to the office. Bean voted by shaking his head everytime I speak of going away to Tower One close to home for work.
It finally feels like I have no grudges against my family for trading in my suits and heels for jeans and flats. Love is a wonderful chemistry reaction in the brains, indeed. It sure did make me do "silly" things like working 24/7 for "free".
It finally feels like it is acceptable to do small things in a great way. Even if it is as small as tying the perfect ponytail for The Little Girl every morning, or as minuscule as making sure that Bean's pull-up pants are sufficiently stocked at home and on the go. It is not about sweating the details, but sprinkling love and care unconditionally in every task.
Is this what settling down means?
Is this what growing up means?
I don't know for sure. Yet.
I only like my inner peace and serenity of being who I am right now. In knowing I am delivering the best quality of work on time every time.
A wife.
A mum.
A daughter-in-law.
A friend.
Ultimately, a servant of Allah swt. This is one huge area I need to work on because once I do, everything will fall in place. I fall so short of being His Servant but strive I must and will, in sha Allah.
Perhaps, this is the best place to be. Alhamdulillah.
Take cognisance that you are doing your best in delivering the best quality of life on time every time. Acknowledge that you are unique and irreplaceable. Know that you are special and loved by so many.
Stay beautiful, stay encouraged, JC. Someday soon you will look back and know this is worth it. Every single bit of it. W and LX including your other half will all love and appreciate you endlessly for all that you do.
Until the next time we meet again, enjoy your "me" time and kiss the little ones for me.
Your loving friend, sister and fellow mum,
Hampshire Mummy.
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